Fear. Well, you would need courage to overcome it but where and how do you get courage?

Life's been so lackadaiscal for me. Well, i jolly well know that i'm not very often at home and seriously, mum's free for three days and she went to stay with aunt. Now she comes back complaining about me keep going out. And what i wanted? Just to watch pirates. myself. Yes. Myself. What's so wrong that i gotta busy schedules nowadays and even if i seek her consent, she says 'no', i try to convince her, i'm deemed as treating her as dead cause i don't listen to her. Blahx. I have developed a thing for home, and that is i don't like to go home. It's so lacking of the family feelings. It feels more like a place for me to sleep and use computer. That's all. Whenever i'm home, i'm all alone. No one there for me to talk to or worse, when there's someone, we ended up quarrelling. I'm sick. They always work and complain that it's my fault but please, i have a life of my own and it's just the way how i was brought up. From young when i was always forced to stay at home, nobody played with me cause everybody's busy working for my future. I sang to myself, even talked to myself and i once thought i was crazy. Nobody cared. I don't wish to care now. After all this while, i have grown to be more immune to things. Isolation is far more better for me. I'm better off alone.

After the competition, passion for singing still burns and i won't give up. I know life's always been like that. Not that smooth sailing for me. Guess it would never would. I'm just frustrated. Why it all my fault? Why is it that i have to be the one giving in? They are afterall adults! Please, i know they undergo so much pressure but do they understand what i'm going through? Just that i don't meet what they want and i'm deemed as shit. Why not i kill myself then wouldn't things be easier? Then they don't have to spend so much energy on me. I'm not gonna commit suicide anyway. Just a sudden outburst of feelings. Then is the problem with communication breakdown. Serious, we hadn't had a good talk and i guess everyone's busy but that's not the issue. They just don't seem to see the whole picture. Things doesn't seem right. I'm too dominant in wanting things my way. I know that. But i think my requests are not that demanding anyway. Blahx. Yeah, ends up giving me those shit attitudes. Is staying at home so interesting? Facing four walls and a comp infront? Yeah. Pretty interesting huh?

Hmmmmm. We better do some talkings. Or else things would worsen. Yeah, i'm fine. Just you know, better off alone. Yay, sing along with my karaoke songs. Haha. Lucks everyone!